Circle Of Friends Part III

Seize the Moment

Hold on to good friends; they are few and far between
Occasionally indulge in the things you truly love
Cherish every Sunday
Smile at least once a day
Watch your step
It will get better
There is always someone who loves you more than you know
Exercise to keep fit
Live up to your name

Love someone with all of your heart

Share with friends

Courtesy of: Dyan

Circle Of Friends Part II

Fall in love with someone...

...and say 'I love you' often
Express yourself creatively
Be conscious of your appearance
Always be up for surprises
Work together as a team
Share a joke with friends
Love your friends, no matter who they are

Don't waste food
RELAX
Take an occasional risk
Try to have a little fun each day - it's important

Courtesy of: Dyan

Circle Of Friends Part I

Always try to see the glass half full

Meet new people, even if they look different to you
Remain calm, even when it seems hopeless
Take lots of naps...
Be weird whenever you have the chance
Be brave...but it's ok to be afraid sometimes too!
Study hard
Give lots of kisses
Laugh often
Don't be overly concerned with your weight, it's just a number
Always try to help a friend in need

Believe in yourself

Courtesy of: Dyan

Post Turtle

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old rancher, whose hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to one of the political candidates. The old rancher said, "Well, ya know, that candidate is a 'Post Turtle'".

Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him what a 'post turtle' was.

The old rancher said, "When you're driving down a country road you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'". T

he old rancher saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know they didn't get up there by themselves, they don't belong up there, and they don't know what to do while they're up there, and you just wonder what kind of dummy put them up there to begin with".

Drunk Pumpkins

Courtesy of: Lillian

Who are you??

A dirty little boy was playing at the playground and

walked up to his mother and asked, "Who am I?"

The mother replied, "I don't know! Who are you?"

The little boy said excitedly, "WOW! My teacher was right.

She said that I was so dirty that even

my own mother wouldn't recognize me."

Retired Hooters Girl Halloween Costume

Courtesy of: Lillian

Imponderables...

EVER WONDER:

Why the sun lighten our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is it that to stop Windows 98/XP, you have to click on "Start"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid- made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?

Waffle House Wedding

Courtesy of: Lillian

Locked Mercedes

There were these two blondes standing outside in a

parking lot next to their Mercedes vehicle.

They were locked out so they were trying to get the door open with a close hanger.

The first blonde said, “You need to try harder.

It’s starting to rain and the top is down!”

Redneck Eulogy

What's the last thing you usually hear before a redneck dies?

"Hey, y'all ... Watch this!"

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, " What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

The Magician & The Parrot

A magician was employed by a Shipping Line to entertain the passengers during cruises. The captain owned a parrot which always insisted on being part of the acts put on by the magician.

He would perch on the edge of the stage and screech, "He does it with a mirror" or "He's got it up his sleeve." The magician was furious, but since the bird was a favorite with the captain and he was anxious to retain his position for future cruises, he maintained an angry silence.

One evening as the magician worked, the parrot continued to harass the unfortunate man. Sadly the ship ran into a mine which had become detached from the sea floor after a storm. The explosion tore the bow off the ship which sank within a few minutes.

Amid the wreckage and the lifeboats, the magician sat on one end of a table from the first class dining room. At the other end sat the parrot, dirty and disheveled, his feathers caked with fuel oil.

For some time they eyed each other malevolently saying nothing. Finally the parrot shook himself and advanced across the table. He fixed the magician with a beady eye.

"Okay, I give up," he squawked. "What did you do with the ship?"

Wedding dress of the year

Courtesy of: Mom

HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!

Well Ian, it's been 4 months...

& I cannot even EXPLAIN

how much I love being your wife!!

If the first year is the worst,

I'm REALLY looking forward

to the rest of our lives!!!

All yours,

Donna DeHart Hewitt

City Farmer

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he’s going to take up farming.

He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, “Give me a hundred baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.

A week later the man returns and says, “Give me two hundred baby chickens.” The co-op man complies.

Again, a week later the man returns. This time he says, “Give me five-hundred baby chickens.” “Wow!" The co-op man replies “You must really be doing well!”

“Naw,” said the man with a sigh. “I’m either planting them too deep or too far apart!”

Phone Call

A young boy answers the phone.

A man says, "Hello is your dad around?"

The boy whispers, "Yes."

The man then asks if he can talk to him.

"He's busy at the moment," the boy whispers.

"Then is your mom there?"

"Yes" the boy whispers.

"Can I talk to her?"

"No, she's busy," the boy whispers.

"Is there anyone else there?"

"Yes" whispered the boy.

"Who?" the man asked.

"A policeman," came the whispered reply.

"Well, can I talk to him?"

"He's busy too," the boy whispered.

"Is there anyone else there then?"

"Yes" whispered the boy.

"Who then?" the man asked.

"A fireman," the boy whispered.

"Can I talk to him?"

"No," the boy whispered, "he's busy."

Annoyed, the man asked what they were all doing.

The boy whispered, "Looking for me."

The New Monk

A new monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old texts by hand. He notices, however, that they are copying from copies, not the original manuscripts.

So, the new monk goes to the head monk to ask him about this, pointing out that if there were an error in the first copy, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk says, "We have been copying from the copies for centuries,but you make a good point, my son." So, he goes down into the cellar with one of the copies to check it against the original.

Hours go by and nobody sees him. So, one of the monks goes downstairs to look for him.

Hearing sobbing coming from the back of the cellar, he finds the old monk leaning over one of the original books crying.

He asks the old monk what's wrong, and in a choked voice came the reply,"The word is celebrate."

The Simple Life Part VI

Courtesy of: Lillian

Getting Gray?

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother

do the dishes at the kitchen sink.

She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair

sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked,

"Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong

and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."

The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"