Grandma's Letter

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book

store and saw a 'Honk if you love Jesus' bumper sticker.
I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting.

So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed.

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection,

just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is,

and I didn't notice that the light had changed.
It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked,

I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy,

and then he leaned out of his window and screamed,

'For the love of God! '

' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO!'

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus!

Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people.

I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there

because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach.

I saw another guy waving in a funny way

with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.

I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant.

He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.

Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii ,

so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back.

My grandson burst out laughing.

Why even he was enjoying this religious experience!!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment

that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me.

I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended,

but this is when I noticed the light had changed.
So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning,

and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection

before the light changed again and felt kind of sad
that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared.

So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window

and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!!

Will write again soon,

Love, Grandma

Courtesy of: Claire

Driftwood horses

These ladies collect driftwood to make some amazing sculptures...

Courtesy of: Dad Hewitt

Swine Flu

Courtesy of: Dad Hewitt

Craig's List

Posted to Craig's List Personals:

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown Savannah night before last.

Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM

You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message.

I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. It was not cold, but I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening. My girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you left your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me. I didn't want your buddies to come help you try to mug us again.

I called your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explained your situation. I bought myself and four other people in the gas station a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to a homeless guy over by Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the driver side.

I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I got in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). I'd like to apologize for not killing you, and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I hope you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.

- Alex

P.S. Remember this motto...an armed society is a polite society!

Courtesy of: Mom

For a laugh...

Courtesy of: Mom

For a laugh...

Courtesy of: Mom

For a laugh...

Courtesy of: Mom

For a laugh...

Courtesy of: Mom

Most of you are dog lovers and will certainly help, if you can. My next door neighbor has lost her little Chihuahua puppy and is desperate to find him. Yesterday, she was sitting on the couch watching TV when she realized he was gone. She searched the neighbors yards with no luck.

Ever since, she has been putting up signs in an effort to have him returned.

Thanks in advance for your help.

A picture of the dog is attached.

Courtesy of: Mom

You can't fix stupid!

I would have thought after about age 20!

Inspector Jacques Clouseau headed up the investigation...

Has anyone seen this man? ANYONE??

Umm.... You think?

Quote: "We had no idea anyone was buried there!"

Brilliant paint job!

Says it all...

Talk about comeuppance!

Courtesy of: Mom

Swine Flu humor

Courtesy of: Lillian

THE HORTH WHITHPERER‏

A guy calls his buddy, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse.
His buddy asks, 'How will I recognize him?'
'That's easy; he's a midget with a speech impediment.'
So, the midget shows up, and the guy asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse.
'A female horth.'
So he shows him a prized filly.
'Nith lookin horth. Can I thee her eyeth'?
So the guy picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over.
'Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth'?
So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears.
'Nith earzth, can I see her mouf'?
The rancher is getting pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth.
'Nice mouf, can I see her twat'?
Totally mad as fire at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's fanny, pulls him out and slams him on the ground.
The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing.
'Perhapth I should rephrase that.
Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit'?

Courtesy of: Mom

Tech Problem

I was having trouble with my computer.
So I called Richard, the 11 year old next door whose bedroom looks like Mission Control, and asked him to come over.
Richard clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
As he was walking away, I called after him, 'So, what was wrong?'
He replied, 'It was an ID ten T error.'
I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired, 'An, ID ten T error? What's that? In case I need to fix it again.'
Richard grinned. 'Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?'
'No,' I replied.
'Write it down,' he said, 'and I think you'll figure it out.'
So I wrote down: I D 1 0 T
I used to like the little shit....

Courtesy of: Lillian

Young Couple

A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon.
They opened the champagne and began undressing.
When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, "What's wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird."
"I had tolio as a child," he answered.
"You mean polio?" she asked.
"No, tolio. The disease only affected my toes."
When the groom took off his pants, his bride once again asked "What's wrong with your knees? They're all lumpy and deformed!"
"As a child, I also had kneasles," he explained.
"You mean measles?" she asked.
"No, kneasles. It was a strange illness that only affected my knees."
The new bride had to be satisfied with this answer.
As the undressing continued, her husband at last removed his underwear.
"Don't tell me," she said."Let me guess...Smallcox..."
Courtesy of: Lillian

Recent Tulane Study

A study worth sharing with friends both male and female: A study conducted by Tulane's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating, or menopausal, she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his chest while he is on fire.

No further studies are expected.

Courtesy of: Mom

Three phases of a man's life‏

SINGLE...

Married...

Divorced...
Questions??

Courtesy of: Lillian

Irish Humor

Six retired Irishmen were playing poker in O'Leary's apartment when PaddyMurphy loses £500 on a single hand, clutches his chest, and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen brother, the other five finish playing standing up.
Michael O'Conner looks around and asks, 'Oh, me boys, someone got to tell Paddy's wife. Who will it be?'
They draw straws. Paul Gallagher picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse.
'Discreet??? I'm the most discreet Irishmen you'll ever meet. Discretion is me middle name. Leave it to me..'
Gallagher goes over to Murphy's house and knocks on the door. Mrs. Murphy answers, and asks what he wants.
Gallagher declares, 'Your husband just lost £500, and is afraid to come home.'
'Tell him to drop dead!', says Murphy's wife.
'I'll go tell him.' says Gallagher...
-------
Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is cut, and bruised, and he's walking with a limp.
'What happened to you?' asks Sean, the bartender.
'Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight,' says Paddy.
'That little O'Conner,' says Sean, 'He couldn't do that to you, he must have had something in his hand.'
'That he did,' says Paddy, 'a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it.'
'Well,' says Sean, 'you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have something in your hand?'
'That I did,' said Paddy, 'Mrs. O'Conner's bosom, and a thing of beauty it was; but useless in a fight.'
----
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. 'So,' says the cop to the driver,'where have ya been?'
'Why, I've been to the pub of course,' slurs the drunk.
'Well,' says the cop, 'it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening.'
'I did all right,' the drunk says with a smile.
'Did you know,' says the cop, standing straight, and folding his arms across his chest, 'that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?'
'Oh, thank heavens,' sighs the drunk. 'for a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf.'
------
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his Sunday morning service, and she's in tears.
He says, 'So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?'
She says, 'Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.'
The priest says, 'Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?'
She says, 'That he did, Father.'
The priest says, 'What did he ask, Mary?'
She says, 'He said, Please Mary, put down that damn gun...'
Courtesy of: Dad Hewitt

The Flasher

Courtesy of: Lillian

You thought you had a drinking problem

A SINGLE GUY LIVED IN THIS TOWNHOUSE FOR 8 YEARS IN OGDEN UTAH, USA. THE LANDLORD THOUGHT HE WAS THE BEST RENTER BECAUSE HE NEVER CALLED OR COMPLAINED AND WAS NEVER LATE ON A PAYMENT.

THESE PICTURES DON'T EVEN COME CLOSE TO WHAT IT REALLY LOOKED LIKE. CENTURY 21REALTY HAD ALREADY MOVED SOME OF THE CANS OUT, AND THEY HAD CAVED IN THE TUNNELS THAT THE RENTER HAD MADE TO GET TO THE BEDROOM, BATHROOM, AND KITCHEN . All this, yet you still do not see any dust, scattered clothing, or dirty dishes anywhere ...Other than having a minor drinking problem, he was basically a very clean, organized person. Add to this, the fact that he was concerned about his health, proven by the fa ct that he drank 'Light' beer. Beer cans by the tens of thousands. Mountains of cans burying the furniture. The water and heat were shut off, apparently on purpose by the tenant, who evidently drank Coors Light beer exclusively for the eight years he lived there. There was an estimated 70,000 beer cans in the townhouse. To accumulate that amount of cans, the resident must have consumed an average of 24 beers a day for the 8 years of his tenancy!!

Courtesy of: Lillian

Keyboard Repairs

http://www.laptoprepair101.com/laptop/2007/03/20/key-fell-off-keyboard/

Courtesy of: Dyan

It is definitely getting very bad‏!!

Cats are SO dramatic...

Courtesy of: Lillian