The Talking Centipede

A single guy decided life would be more fun
if he had a pet.


So he went to the pet store and told the owner
that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.


After some discussion, he finally bought a talking centipede,
(100-legged critter), which came in a little white box to
use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good spot for the box,
and decided he would start off by taking his new pet
to church with him.


So he asked the centipede in the box,
"Would you like to go to church with me today?
We will have a good time."


But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit,
but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, "How about
going to church with me and receive blessings?"

But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.
So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
The guy decided to invite the centipede one last time.
This time he put his face up against the centipede's house and shouted, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me
and learn about God?"

.

.

.

This time, a little voice came out of the box,



.

.

.


"I heard you the first time!

.

.

I'm putting my shoes on!"

Courtesy of: Dad Hewitt

A Parrot and the Freezer

A young man received a parrot as an early Christmas gift. Unfortunately, the parrot had
a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.

Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John
tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, play-
ing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook
the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. In desperation, John threw up his
hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked
and kicked and screamed. Then, suddenly, there was total quiet.

Not a peep was heard for over a minute.

Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly
stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my
rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I
fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.

As he was about to ask the parrot what had caused such a dramatic change in behaviour, the
bird spoke up, very softly, and asked:

"May I ask what the turkey did?"

Gods Mysterious Ways

While creating the earth, God promised women that good men who would make ideal husbands would be found in all the corners of the world...

and then He made the earth round.

Courtesy of: Lillian