Decoding

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
* 40-ish..................................49.

* Adventurous..........................Slept with everyone.

* Athletic................................No breasts.

* Average looking.....................Moooo.

* Beautiful.............................Pathological liar.

* Emotionally Secure..................On medication.

* Feminist..............................Fat.

* Free Spirit.............................Junkie.

* Friendship first............ ............Former Slut.

* New-Age..............................Body hair in the wrong places.

* Old-fashioned.......................No B.J.'s

* Open-minded.........................Desperate.

* Outgoing..............................Loud and embarrassing.

* Professional..........................Witch.

* Voluptuous...........................Very fat.

* Large frame...........................Hugely fat.

* Wants soul mate.....................Stalker.

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
* Yes.....................................No

* No......................................Yes

* Maybe................................No

* We need...............................I want

* I am sorry.............................You'll be sorry

* We need to talk......................You're in trouble

* Sure, go ahead.......................You better not

* Do what you want...................You will pay for this later

* I am not upset........................Of course, I am upset, you moron!

* You're attentive tonight............Is sex all you ever think about?

DICTIONARY FOR DECODING MEN'S ENGLISH:

* I am hungry...........................I am hungry

* I am sleepy...........................I am sleepy

* I am tired..............................I am tired

* Nice dress..............................Nice cleavage!

* I love you..............................Let's have sex now

* I am bored.............................Do you want to have sex?

* May I have this dance?..................I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I call you sometime?.............I'd like to have sex with you.

* Do you want to go to a movie?......I'd like to have sex with you.

* Can I take you out to dinner?........I'd like to have sex with you.

* I don't think those shoes go with that outfit..............I'm gay

Courtesy of: David Hodges