As I Mature

I’ve learned that you cannot can make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope that they panic and give in.

I’ve learned that no matter how much I care some people are just assholes.

I’ve learned that you can get by on charm alone for about fifteen minutes. After that you’d better have a big willy or huge boobs.

I’ve learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.

I’ve learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades and there had better be a lot of money in its place.

I’ve learned that 99% of the time something isn’t working in your house; one of your kids did it.

I’ve learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away.