State Police Remarks:

The following 15 New Jersey State Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the state.

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

# 9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

# 8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

# 7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy & corn dogs & step in monkey poop."

# 6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets & my wife gets a toaster oven."

# 5 "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC."

# 4 "How big were those 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

# 3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

# 2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

The envelope please.....................

AND THE WINNER IS....

# 1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."